Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fighting for Fidelity

Did I get your attention with the title of this post? I have been mulling on this one for a while. With the revelation of Arnold's affair, fidelity has been the big talk this week. I have been floored when I read an article saying that it was not realistic to have sex with the same person (being the spouse) for the rest of your life. So the new popular thing to have "negotiated monogamy" where both people can have sex with other people and it was okay. REALLY?! Well, it is time to fight back! Affairs cause so much damage. It is time to fight for fidelity!!

I have to start by saying that I think (and DH does too) that it is normal to feel a spark of attraction for another person. But it is what you do with it that is important. Do you fan the fire or put put it out?

Probably the shortest way to do this is to tell you about my recent struggle. There was a new, young, really cute doctor that joined the practice we go to. Every time we went to see him I noticed that I was getting more and more attracted to him.

Now, I had heard moms talk about the crushes they had on their pediatricians and always thought it wasn't fair to the husbands. (Even though these women viewed it as "normal".) I know if my DH got decked out for a co-worker I'd flip, and I didn't think it was fair that wives do it for their doctor.

When I found myself in a similar situation I decided to douse it. I feel so strongly about being faithful (both physically and emotionally) to my sweet DH that I decided I was going to get rid of the emotions to make sure nothing of the physical would EVER happen. ALL affairs start with emotions.

What did I do? Well, DH and I had a very open discussion about how we both need to be careful. I told him about the struggle with my emotions with the doc and reiterated my determination to be faithful in all ways. I decided that I needed to remove the situation from my life and promised DH that I wouldn't schedule with that doctor anymore.

But I was still struggling. So I did the ultimate douser - I called the doc. I told him that I wasn't going to be scheduling with him anymore - not that he was a bad doc, but because I was too attracted to him. (Pretty gutsy huh? ;)

I did this so that he would know he needed to be careful around me. (He was starting to become more casual with me and had told me that he and his wife had just separated.) I also didn't want to change practices, and may have to see him again. I needed to make sure that we could have a good working relationship.

You know what? After that phone call, the internal struggle stopped. I had taken steps to make sure nothing COULD ever happen. It was over and I felt so peaceful. The fight to protect my emotions and my family was so worth it. I NEVER want to put my family through what affairs do and I will fight forever to be faithful!

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